"No reading at the breakfast table"

Here's my piece of parenting advice for the week.  Practice saying 'no' to your child when they are young.  It will help them.  Truly. Why?  Here's what I've been thinking about recently. Earlier last week I had the privilege of hearing Paul Dillon speak.  He's been talking to teenagers and families about drugs and alcohol for the past 20 years and he was fantastic.  He said he'd like to smack some parents around the head for the lack of backbone they have with their teenagers on the issue of alcohol.  It's the old 'Well, everyone else is doing it Mum' argument that seems to press all our buttons so brilliantly.  He said parents need to learn to say 'NO' to their teenagers and show them some tough love.  They are afraid of upsetting their children so give in. What he didn't say is that many parents are afraid of upsetting their children from the day they are born. I have no problem with loving and caring for my child and...

Recently we have made the effort to go out on nice family outings.  I am dragging my weary body out the door on a Saturday when all I want to do is sleep.  But I'm a good mother (on occasion) so I go. So when we're driving home from the zoo last week, the discussion is not 'O, weren't the seals fab and aren't you the world's bestest parents for dragging yourselves around the zoo for hours with us while we fought and whinged?' but instead 'But how will we fit in all our computer turns?' [ insert quiet sobbing here as realisation dawns that it might not be possible ]   We have the most complex system to ensure everyone gets a half hour turn on the computer on the weekends.  This is because (a) there is no TV/computer on weekdays and (b) some children (mostly the boys) get quite anxious if they aren't guaranteed a set amount of time.  You may think that half an hour is very stingey, but when you multiply that by five, two and a half hours nee...

Picking your battles with a teenager.  New territory for me.  My almost 14 year old is lovely.  I find him genuinely nice, fun and easy to hang out with.  But he's been growing his hair for a year.  It is driving me crazy.   And the more I (and his sisters) get irritated by it, the more determined he is to keep growing it. Appearances don't matter, I keep telling myself.  And I know this is a nothing issue.  But other people seem to have nicely presented children. What fights do other people feel are worth fighting over with their teenagers?  Do people fight over hair length?  Or are they too busy worrying about real problems?! PS  I think it looks better in the picture than in real life!

Earlier this year you'll remember that I discussed my toilet cleaning traumas with you about my boy's bathroom smelling like a urinal. This ad comforted me. I am not alone!

Over at his blog Trevor Cairney has reviewed a new book by Pam Allyn called 'Best Books for Boys'.  I'm really interested in this topic because it's the No. 1 question I get asked at work by parents looking for books for their sons.  I'll be getting this book and having a read. Check out some of my old posts about boys , reading and book recommendations.

Getting boys to read is a challenge for lots of parents.  As the title of my blog suggests, we don't really have that problem.  But I do find it hard to get my head around the types of books that my 11 yo son reads.  They don't appeal much to me as a woman! I've been doing some reading for my library degree on how to get boys to read more.  And one of the big issues is that many librarians are women and simply don't relate (or even approve) of the types of books that boys like.  The textbook I've been reading has a little section explaining why boys read what they do.   "Boys enjoy reading fantasy because the basic structure, borrowed from mythology, traces the path of an individual in search of his place in the world.   Action and adventure books do much the same, and these, like fantasy, contain active plot lines that speak to boys' active natures. ... much fantasy and adventure literature contains so much action that it tends towards viole...

I was enjoying watching a group of small boys rumbling at creche the other day. I thought they were having fun and weren't hurting each other or being mean so I let them go for it (it was a wet day!). Sometimes as women we can find it hard to see little boys being quite physical with each other. Can't they colour-in or join in with the singing? But there's something about boys and the way they relate to each other that is just simply very physical. My four year old son's happiest moments are when his big brother will chase him/rumble with him/wrestle on the trampoline with him. And my 11 year old son is very happy that his baby brother is now old enough to enjoy it! The problems I have with the boys playing come when they start talking about wanting to 'kill/stab/shoot/strangle' each other. I'm not thrilled with them using weapons to play but I'm most of all concerned with the way they speak about and to each other. I want to ask those big ...

I've been reading a book called "He'll be OK: Growing gorgeous boys into good men" by Celia Lashlie (2005), which is all about teenage boys.  It has been recommended to me many times over the years and it has been very thought provoking.  Written by a woman who worked in the New Zealand prison system as a prison guard for 15 years, she asks the question 'Why do teenage boys end up engaging in the extreme behaviours that lead them to committing crimes?. Her writing comes from her experiences speaking to 1000's of boys and their parents through visits to boys' high schools. Lots of what she is said is very insightful in terms of understanding the fragility of boys and how their brains work.  A few things have stood out to me. 1. Boys don't always want to talk through everything.  For example last week our No 1 child had a problem at school and was chatting to Rowan about it.  After a while he said "you know what, I don't really want to...