"No reading at the breakfast table"

Coming back to Australia when I was almost 15, for many years I felt like I didn't really fit in (I probably still feel that a little - see my previous post  ).  I felt that I didn't quite 'get' all the social nuances of relationships.  I was unsure of how I fitted into this new world. This is a very, very common experience for MK's. But you know what I've learnt?  That this is not just an experience for MKs.  This is an experience of human beings.  Talking to my friends who have always lived in Australia, there are still things that make them feel like they don't quite fit in. Perhaps it was not being cool enough at high school. Perhaps it was feeling not as clever as other friends.  Perhaps it seems that everyone else at church is really connected and they don't feel connected.  Perhaps all the other mums at school are involved in a busy social life and they aren't.  Perhaps it is thinking differently about something that everyone else ...

Out of all the books I read last year this was the most memorable. Written as a series of letters by the mother of a boy who has committed a Columbine-type massacre, to her husband, it is a very intense book. This boy is a very difficult, demanding and unusual child from birth.  Despite doing all the 'right' things the mother finds herself unable to make a difference to his personality.  She quits her job to be at home with him when the nanny doesn't work out (an understatement). This book made me think about how much control we actually do have over the outcome of our children.  In this day and age so much pressure is put on mothers to be doing all the 'right' things so that our children are well-balanced, reaching their full potential adults.  Surely we blame the parents when the child turns out to be a mass murderer.  Isn't a story like this every parent's worst nightmare? This book wrestles with the very real tension between children's person...

As I move towards having a teenager in our house, I've been finding myself asking my friends with older kids,  'What's it like?' and 'Am I going to survive?!'. The common theme is that parenting continues to be demanding and draining but in a new way.  It is more emotionally tiring and you experience anxiety like never before. I'm starting to enjoy feeling less physically tired as I come out of the baby stage.  I'm enjoying having children who can take themselves to the toilet, get themselves dressed and feed themselves.  I'm enjoying the fun of having older kids who I can have a laugh with, share a book with, discuss 'Masterchef' with! But I'm starting to get a small insight into what the next stage of my life will look like.  Longer days as children stay up later.  Less time in the evenings on our own as a couple.  More stress about getting school work done.  Anxiety about friendships.  Lots of driving children to band competition...

When you enrol your first child in school, you attend the information sessions, negotiate the mystery of the school uniform shop (do I buy the big bag or the small one?  How many pairs of trousers?) and just generally feel stressed and confused. However, here's what I think you actually  need when your child starts school: 1.  A big box of envelopes and a big bag of change.  Every second day there is a note that needs handing in usually with a small amount of money included. 2.  An electronic organiser of some kind which beeps to tell you what day Library/Sport/Folk Dancing/Animal Husbandry is on and what equipment your child (LOL - my apologies - that would actually be you, since you're the one who gets into trouble when they don't bring the right stuff) needs to take. 3.  Ten hats - they lose one about once a week.  Remember:  'No hat, No play' actually means sitting in a shed, in the shade, feeling like a social outcast at lunch and the...

I had a conversation many years ago at a dinner party with a man who was sitting next to his heavily pregnant wife.  Expecting their second child he told me that his wife would be back to work after six months leave because (I quote) 'There's no such thing as a free lunch in our house'.  I was a bit taken aback at the time because I was at home full-time with three little kids so I assumed he probably wasn't that impressed with my efforts at contributing to the family income. Over the years I've spoken to many women who are juggling work with children simply because they feel they should.  They don't need the money.  They aren't working because they love their jobs.  They just think they should. They should be a financial contributor to the family. I've always been quite intrigued by this because I never thought that because I'm not earning money that I'm any less of a contributor to our family.  I always thought that when I go back to work i...

A few more thoughts on friendship coming out of my post on being a MK. Developing new friendships as we get older can be confusing.  Finding someone we actually like and find easy to get on with can be hard work.  Developing a real friendship in the midst of all the acquaintances.  Or, as Seinfeld helpfully points out, it can feel like dating. You like them.  But they seem to have lots of other friends. You try to initiate social interactions.  They don't reciprocate.  So even if you find someone you do like they may not always be as keen!  It's not always a straightforward process. There's a temptation (as I've experienced with my No 4 child starting school  ) to say 'This is TOO much!  I can't do this anymore.  No more new relationships'.  And it makes sense in lots of ways.  Invest time in those relationships that you know are good and strong and reliable. But I've been the new, friendless person so many times in my li...

Another day, yet another article assessing women's worth by how much they earn.  Arrgh.  In May a 'Good Weekend' article in the Sydney Morning Herald, titled 'Long way to the top' made me want to scream.  Apparently feminism is failing because there are still only a small percentage of the huge pile of qualified women in high-powered corporate jobs.  And I imagine it's women like me that are stuffing up the statistics (I've got a few university degrees lying around that are currently going to 'waste'). I know that the point of the article is to show how women are simply not being promoted into higher level jobs, but it also places a high emphasis on how much women are worth.  And once again women's worth is measured by her earning capacity.  The dollar value that can be associated with what she does all day. And it's this that makes me wonder exactly this type of feminist position is supposed to be achieving.  I don't want to be a man. ...