Thursday, January 19, 2012

The journey to 5

2007
I suddenly realised recently when chatting to a friend struggling with infertility, that when you look at my family, it all looks so beautifully planned and organised.  My kids are all two school years apart and about two years apart in age, give or take a few months.  It does look pretty perfect.

And of course it is great.  But along the way, we had a few hiccups.  Not many.  And nothing like what a lot of my friends have been through.  I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks between our first and second child.  We also had a miscarriage at 14 weeks (just after we'd told everyone we were expecting another baby) between our third and fourth children.  Both times I had to have a general and a curette to stop the bleeding, which were both unpleasant experiences.  Not just physically but emotionally devastating.

I was very upset when we had the first miscarriage.  I didn't know at that stage that I wanted to have five children, but I did know that I wanted to have at least two.  Having moved around a lot as a child, and knowing that we were probably going to do the same, I wanted my son to have a sibling to share those experiences with.  My sister and three close friends were also due with babies at the same time I was due and this was tough.  I felt left out and left behind.  How crazy it is to look at that now.  Our kids are only a few months different in age, but at the time it compounded my grief.

The second miscarriage was hard because our eldest child was old enough to understand that I was pregnant and then old enough to understand that we'd had a baby that hadn't lived.  I'd also endured the 12 weeks of horrible morning sickness because I had made it to 14 weeks.  I remember just feeling exhausted in the middle of the sadness.  How I backed up again a few months to try again is amazing to me.

I just share these little stories for those of you who are struggling with miscarriage or other fertility issues.  I can't pretend to understand long-term infertility. But sometimes it can be helpful to know that despite appearances, it wasn't all smooth sailing.

3 comments:

Kevin said...

Hi Jenny,
We've had some similar experiences, and appreciate you sharing about the painful reality of miscarriages. If it's helpful, I've posted some links to a few resources here: http://wp.me/pJtq2-kv (feel free to remove the link if it feels like I'm just using your blog to promote mine :) ).
Thanks again,
Kevin

Jenny said...

Hi Kevin. Thanks for the link - that's such a helpful compilation of resources on this topic (cross promote away!).

Jenny

Anonymous said...

Hi Jenny

It's encouraging in a sad way for me hearing about others who have had a hard time having their children. We had always wanted four children. We had a miscarriage first, then a beautiful baby, then tried for another baby. A miscarriage at 18 weeks, then two more at 11 weeks got us really down, especially at a time when there were babies being born left right and centre in our church and I felt very forgotten. We finally had another healthy baby after 3 years of trying, and are contemplating whether we are willing to go through the emotional rollercoaster of having one more, knowing all too well why we had all the miscarriages and that there's a good likelihood of having more. Meanwhile, my younger sister and her husband have been told there is little chance of them even having a baby of their own.

Thanks for sharing your story.

susan