Friday, May 1, 2009

Right - that's it!


I write today about sex.  Oooo - shocking.  But true.

I've just read an article by a minister's wife for minister's wives about sex.  

Good things:
- Marriage is about serving one another.  One way we can serve our husbands is to have sex with him because he will like it and it will make him feel happy.  (I've oversimplified but that's the gist of it)

Bad things:
- No mention is made of a husband contributing to the process.  No seduction, no "hello dear, how was your day?", no anything except walking in the door.  
- It sounds like women never feel like sex - it's implied that we're just battling our way through the whole nasty business.  
- It's all sex or nothing. Nothing in between "hello" and "business time"

I think it's great to put this whole issue on the table.  It is great to be challenged about not being selfish or manipulative about the way we approach sex in marriage.  I just think we have to be VERY careful making women feel more burdened.  If women need to feel good to have sex telling them this is something you "should" do probably won't help.  

By the way the photo represents us having FUN.  And as cheesy as it sounds I think a lot of issues related to sex are about both the wife and husband having fun together.  


5 comments:

Katie said...

Have you heard the talk by Carolyn Mahaney about sex in marriage? You can find it here - http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A1215-04-51. Very similar to her Feminine Appeal chapter - needless to say, all the husbands love it. Just throwing some more fodder into the mix. Not sure the six A's take into account how the wife feels too much either but there is mention of peanut butter sandwiches.

Jenny Kemp said...

I like Carolyn Mahaney's practical stuff about women needing to have enough sleep and not to be freaking about dinner and housework so they have energy for sex. (that's where peanut butter sandwiches for dinner will be ok!)

At the same time men need to be realistic about what women are capable of coping with in a day. And I think that's where the "husbands love your wife" part really kicks in. Men need to put a woman's needs before his own just as she needs to step up and make the effort to meet his needs too. It won't work if she feels like she is doing everything and hubby just walks in the door and say "how about it?"!

Karen said...

What was the original article?

Jo said...

I agree it's good to put this issue on the table, it seems to cause so many couples unbelievable grief and puts marriages under so much pressure.

After 12 years of marriage and 4 children our sex life has been through many different seasons, and we have come to the conclusion that with a bit of patience and understanding, winter always passes and spring arrives again. Simplistic? Yes, but it works for us.

PS I really hate those articles that portray men as almost animals, with desires they cannot control, and if they are not getting sex at home they will get it somewhere else kind of rubbish. Come on, these are godly Christian men we are married to here, not stray dogs on the street.

Merrin said...

Hi Jenny! found your blog via karens..very enjoyable! had to mention that "business time" is by far the funniest clip I've seen - hysterical! Also suggest "think about it"