Not Complaining

Here's a confronting story to remind us why we need to be careful about endlessly complaining to our husbands. (Sydney's Child, Your Views, Aug 2009).

"I'd like to respond to the article At Home and Not Happy (May 2009). The words could have come directly from my wife - the same resentment and anger about being stuck at home with small children. All very understandable and explainable. There is, however, another party involved: the husband, and the situation impacts on him too. When our second child was born, my wife became steadily more resentful towards me. If I went away on a business trip, it was labeled a 'junket' or 'holiday... House tasks were done by her before I'd even noticed they needed to be done, then I was resented for not doing them. The tension increased steadily, and I started drinking regularly to escape. I was told most days about my lack of contribution, about how easy my life was in comparison to hers, about my ever-growing list of inadequacies. One day, after three years, I couldn't take it anymore ... so I walked out... Our marriage ended on that day, despite subsequent attempts to renegotiate behaviours".

This is personally confronting for me. Rowan often goes away for work. I used to get quite grumpy before he'd leave and make comments like "don't miss us too much" or "enjoy your sleep" or "have fun being away from us". I was jealous of him being able to go out without the kids. But I've learnt that he is actually working when he goes away and that comes with its own stresses and problems. I've also learnt that being cranky makes him feel terrible when he leaves us so he used to worry the whole time he was away. He assures me that I have improved and am now much more gracious!