On the weekend Abbie (my 2 1/2 year old) went into a bed. Two weeks earlier I enrolled her in preschool for 2010. Two little events that have made me feel sad.
You might be surprised to discover that the end of the season of small children has been a period of some grief for me. Surprisingly, since, eleven years and five babies later, it has been quite a season! And there are many aspects of the next season that I find exciting and I'm looking forward to.
However, I always thought I would get to a point where I felt completely sure that I had enough of the whole pregnancy/baby deal. But I haven't.
I used to think I was weird but over the years other women have quietly admitted to me that they wouldn't mind having another baby or they feel sad that the stage is ending. If you are at the beginning of this stage or have a small baby you will think we are all mad! And I have plenty of friends who felt they had definitely "finished". But I don't think I'm completely alone.
It could be the length of time that I've been doing the small child 'thing'. It's like a job that I've got better at over the years and now I'm used to it. I think I lack confidence that I will find something else to do with such a high level of personal satisfaction. What lies ahead for me? How do I negotiate my way through this next stage of life?
However, as I am continually reminded by my husband, "Jenny, we still have to work out how to bring up the kids we already have". Still plenty to do - (as any mum of teenagers quickly likes to remind me).
But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.
My times are in your hands'