Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Mother guilt

So my youngest doesn't want to go to preschool.  This has been a constant refrain for the past few weeks.  She goes on the days that I'm working and studying.  Do I feel guilty?  Absolutely.  I just want to keep her at home - even though in reality that's an insane idea because by 10am she'd be driving me mad!

As Rowan pointed out, the other kids went to preschool three days a week when they were her age.  I don't remember feeling bad about it then.

I think it's that there is no option.  That even if she's feeling bad and sad about friends/teachers/whatever, I don't have the option of just hanging out with her at home.  I'm committed to work.

It's interesting because once she's at school I won't feel quite the same - she has to go to school, so there's not the same feeling of preschool being an added extra.

I do like working, but I feel sooo torn.  My kids have made me a softie but actually I like it.  It keeps me constantly assessing what I'm doing in light of what their needs are - that's a good thing.  I'd be more worried if I didn't give a stuff.

I'm glad I didn't have to go to work when they were babies - I would have been very miserable.

2 comments:

Wrights Wramblings said...

Is it the 'dreaded' rest time Jenny? Or is there other teacher or kid stuff going on for her? Or is she just bored out of her brain? I know Ebby was. I don't really want to say this but you do have the option of staying home and hanging out with her (there are holiday, sick day, leave without pay and resignation options) but you're choosing not to do that. I found it extremely hard when there were tantrums at dropoff on work days - I arrived at work feeling I had already done a full days work! - but I knew that I had disciplined and cared for them as I would have done if I was working or if I was working at home full-time.

Jenny said...

I don't think it's the rest time but a social thing - she finds negotiating the friendships thing tiring. And she really just likes being at home with me. She's always asking who is going to drop her off/pick her up (mostly me and Rowan) so she can get the routine clear in her head. I think all of that is stressful for her. I feel a bit worried about how she'll go at school but she'll have her siblings at school so that might be a bit different.