What I'm learning from my 4.23 am wake-ups
I'm not really doing such a great job of blogging at the moment. Partly it is because I've been away a bit and partly it's because I haven't had any ideas of what to write about. Incredible some would say - you seem to have plenty to ramble on about in real life!
So here's a ramble folks. We enjoyed a lovely, desperately needed break last week. I slept beautifully which I enjoyed but then I felt freaked out by this. It made me realise how badly I sleep normally these days. In the past I've been very proud of my sleeping abilities. Slept through screaming newborn babies in hospital (one of whom was actually mine, and yes, 'you do actually need to wake up and feed it dear'). I am a champion at sleeping through children who wake up during the night, as my husband will testify to - they all call out 'Daddy, Daddy' and if he's away one of the older kids needs to come and wake me up (I do love them, truly). And now, with no babies, I find myself awake at 4.23 am, with a scrolling list of 'Things I Should be Doing, if I was a Proper Mother, not the Failing Miserable One that I am Now'. And I'm sure you already know this, but I can personally say that 4.23am is not the top time of the day for sensible, rational self talk.
Perhaps it is time to write some lists. Carry a diary maybe (and I can hear you all saying - 'what, no diary? is that woman actually responsible enough to be mother of 5?'). I do have a calendar on the kitchen wall, but I tend to carry a photographic image of what's on the calendar with me in my brain. So when someone says 'are you free on the 25th?', I find myself doing this weird closing-my-eyes-screwing-up-my-face thing to desperately recall what's on the calendar. The problem comes when I get towards the end of the month and I haven't started to imprint the broad outline of the coming month into my head yet.
So yes, a diary maybe (but I so don't want to carry another thing around with me - carrying everyone'sjunk (sorry, very precious bits of paper, craft, sticks, rocks, random metal, DS, books, pink sparkly handbags that 'I can't possibly carry anymore Mum because it is just soooo heavy') is enough thanks). And plus I like to live in denial. Surely my life isn't really all that mad if I don't have to lug the reality around in my bag all day.
But it truly is that mad. And the lack of sleep is screaming this reality at me.
Maybe I'll just stuff the calendar in my bag. Now's there's a trendy look that is sure to catch on ...
So here's a ramble folks. We enjoyed a lovely, desperately needed break last week. I slept beautifully which I enjoyed but then I felt freaked out by this. It made me realise how badly I sleep normally these days. In the past I've been very proud of my sleeping abilities. Slept through screaming newborn babies in hospital (one of whom was actually mine, and yes, 'you do actually need to wake up and feed it dear'). I am a champion at sleeping through children who wake up during the night, as my husband will testify to - they all call out 'Daddy, Daddy' and if he's away one of the older kids needs to come and wake me up (I do love them, truly). And now, with no babies, I find myself awake at 4.23 am, with a scrolling list of 'Things I Should be Doing, if I was a Proper Mother, not the Failing Miserable One that I am Now'. And I'm sure you already know this, but I can personally say that 4.23am is not the top time of the day for sensible, rational self talk.
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| And of course, I am most certainly looking this fantastic at 4.23 am! |
Perhaps it is time to write some lists. Carry a diary maybe (and I can hear you all saying - 'what, no diary? is that woman actually responsible enough to be mother of 5?'). I do have a calendar on the kitchen wall, but I tend to carry a photographic image of what's on the calendar with me in my brain. So when someone says 'are you free on the 25th?', I find myself doing this weird closing-my-eyes-screwing-up-my-face thing to desperately recall what's on the calendar. The problem comes when I get towards the end of the month and I haven't started to imprint the broad outline of the coming month into my head yet.
So yes, a diary maybe (but I so don't want to carry another thing around with me - carrying everyone's
But it truly is that mad. And the lack of sleep is screaming this reality at me.
Maybe I'll just stuff the calendar in my bag. Now's there's a trendy look that is sure to catch on ...
Comments
(And my kids call out for Daddy in the middle of the night too!)
My gmail account keeps trying to make me a calendar. It picks up any email mentions of dates or times or meetings and wants to collate them all for me. And sync with my phone. I think I'd melt down if I saw everything I have to do put onto a page, so I don't let it.
Sweet, sweet denial.
We then progressed to a desk diary as the calendar got too small - all family memebers are responsible for putting their engagements in and if they are not documented bad luck. Unfortunately that rule didn't extend to my spouse who negected to diarise a certain week long event run by the Christian group he works for........
Have now upgraded my phone and am launching an attempt to use the diary as it is less likely I'll lose my phone than the diary in my handbag which I lost for a month earlier this year - a bit of a disaster.
unfortunately I think it is the combination of teenage children, increased work hours and increased commitments despite our best efforts.
Unlike you I'm noted for being a bad sleeper and am not really sure why at the moment I'm sleeping like a log- exhaustion perhaps?
Sorry, I think I've had a ramble too.....