So here's a ramble folks. We enjoyed a lovely, desperately needed break last week. I slept beautifully which I enjoyed but then I felt freaked out by this. It made me realise how badly I sleep normally these days. In the past I've been very proud of my sleeping abilities. Slept through screaming newborn babies in hospital (one of whom was actually mine, and yes, 'you do actually need to wake up and feed it dear'). I am a champion at sleeping through children who wake up during the night, as my husband will testify to - they all call out 'Daddy, Daddy' and if he's away one of the older kids needs to come and wake me up (I do love them, truly). And now, with no babies, I find myself awake at 4.23 am, with a scrolling list of 'Things I Should be Doing, if I was a Proper Mother, not the Failing Miserable One that I am Now'. And I'm sure you already know this, but I can personally say that 4.23am is not the top time of the day for sensible, rational self talk.
|And of course, I am most certainly |
looking this fantastic at 4.23 am!
Perhaps it is time to write some lists. Carry a diary maybe (and I can hear you all saying - 'what, no diary? is that woman actually responsible enough to be mother of 5?'). I do have a calendar on the kitchen wall, but I tend to carry a photographic image of what's on the calendar with me in my brain. So when someone says 'are you free on the 25th?', I find myself doing this weird closing-my-eyes-screwing-up-my-face thing to desperately recall what's on the calendar. The problem comes when I get towards the end of the month and I haven't started to imprint the broad outline of the coming month into my head yet.
So yes, a diary maybe (but I so don't want to carry another thing around with me - carrying everyone's
But it truly is that mad. And the lack of sleep is screaming this reality at me.
Maybe I'll just stuff the calendar in my bag. Now's there's a trendy look that is sure to catch on ...