This month I'm working full time. It is taking a village to make it possible and I am so grateful to Rowan, my in-laws and many friends who are doing school drop offs, pick ups, looking after our youngest, doing the crazy after school runarounds. I haven't been looking forward to this time at all, but I just need to do it to finally complete my course.
It is proving to be as horrible as I expected. I don't think I will be able to work full time for a long time. Of course the prestige and money that comes with a full time job is appealing, but these last few days have convinced me that I won't be able to go down that track.
I miss time. I miss time with my kids. I need time to talk to them properly. Not just get a potted summary of the day. I miss time to help my friends. I miss time to think about others. All my time goes into what I'm doing during the day, eating dinner and saying a quick hello to my own family. I miss time on my own so that I have energy for other people in my life. I miss time to help out others.
So I'm glad I've had this experience. It makes me content with part time work. It makes me realise that I need to be around at home, in my community, available for my kids, my friends, my church family, my kid's school- not because it's the right thing to do, but it's because what I want to do. I'll be miserable otherwise.