Friday, August 3, 2012

Doing marriage well in busy times


As our kids are getting older so are their bedtimes getting older, sorry, I mean later (I'm also feeling older).  One of the hard things about this is that while it is nice to spend time with them, it makes it hard for Rowan and I to work out when we will spend time together.

We used to put them to bed early, chat for a while, watch a bit of TV and go to bed.  This routine has worked for years.  But we now find ourselves rushing around taking everyone to things/picking them up from things, having dinner later, helping with homework/reading/solar system model to scale/app design/ _________ (insert latest crazy project idea here) and then we're ready for bed (children are often not so ready for bed - yawn).

So days can go by and we're unlikely to have had a decent conversation beyond, 'Can you make sure you pick up little Mary from Jane's house at 3:23 before you drive Blog to Point X for drop off at 3:46 and go back to Point Y where Freddie will be waiting to jump in as you drive past at 3:51 - oh and don't forget the flugelhorn which is still at school'


Some of the things we need to talk about are the actual children - which of course the actual children find quite fascinating, but isn't appropriate listening for the actual children who might not necessarily like what we're saying about the actual children.

We do genuinely enjoy being with our children, but I can see that if we don't spend time together on our own, having deeper conversations,  the nature of our relationship is going to slowly change.  Last holidays I suggested that we try to aim for a night away once a term to act as a small window of breathing space in the midst of very busy term times.  To be honest, the thought of organising yet another activity is quite a tiring thought (even though it will be lovely), so I think we need to sort the babysitting, book the date and just run with it.

We're planning our first night in a few weeks due the kindness of my brother-in-law and his wife.  Now that the babysitting is sorted I'm quite excited.


2 comments:

Megan said...

Oh Jen- so with you on this one.
Our kids now go to bed at the same time we do, and there's not a quiet space for us to hang without eavesdroppers.
The flexible nature of Paul's role and my P/T work means sometimes we meet on a weekday when the kids are all at school- to have the catch up conversation at least.
We actually like walking and talking together and enjoy it when we make time. But it's not regular enough. A night a term sounds good- keep on it!

Annie Bartholomeusz said...

Its even worse when you child (whom is now an adult!) comes to bed after you.
But then again now we often have both kids at Youth/parties/friends and we often look at each other alone in the house and say "maybe we should go out"
And older kids make great babysitters!!!