Wednesday, January 9, 2013
A year of almost full time work: what I found hard
I missed having time and energy for my kids - not just physically but having enough mental and emotional space to think clearly about where they're up to and how they're going. I just missed time with them too. I like my kids.
I missed having time for the people in my church and community. My dear friend is going through chemo at the moment. I feel sad that I haven't been as good a friend to her as I would have liked- working has limited what I can do to help her. I like being able to encourage friends in conversation. Obviously not being around much makes that hard.
I've hardly done any hospitality. This is not normal for us and it feels weird. This is partly a time thing, but it's also partly a relational energy thing. I'm hoping that this year my job won't be so new so I'll have more relational energy in the tank. Hospitality has been the biggest way I've supported Rowan in his in ministry. I don't really know how to fit it all in.
I had to cut out regular exercise during term 4 because I found that getting up early to do exercise just pushed me over the edge. I actually felt like I was having small panic attacks because I was just pushing my body too hard. Stopping the exercise helped manage the tiredness but not the stress. Tricky one. I know people say doing exercise gives them energy but I feel good until mid afternoon and then the rest of the day is a struggle. Any thoughts? Tips?
I share this with you because I think this is the reality of the whole 'women can have it all' deal. I guess I have had it all, but I am not convinced this is the 'all' that I want my life to be about. Lots to ponder.