The mystery of Adenomyosis

I've had a not so great year in 2013 with my health.  When I turned 40 all my 40+ friends kept saying 'just you wait Jenny, everything will start to go wrong now'.  I doubted them.  I'm not a particularly sickly person.  But they were very right.  I've had more niggly health problems in the last 12 months than ever before.

But the last 5 months have been hard.  In January I had an excruciating bout of period pain at a level I hadn't experienced before.  I've always had shocking pain but this was different.  And pretty unmanageable.

Since then it has got worse.  I had to take a day off work last month.  The month before that I almost left work early because I felt so bad. Pain in my gut that radiates up my back.  I spend 5 days hobbling around like an old lady, half bent over.  I become consumed by myself.  I become consumed by basic survival.  Get to work.  Do what I absolutely have to.  Come home.  Go to bed.  I have been shocked by how selfish pain makes you.

And when the pain slows down I manage to lift my head up and look around at the chaos that results from 5 days of basic survival.  It's stressful.  I feel grumpy and angry at my life.  I feel mentally irrational and emotional and well, a little bit mad.

But then it passes and I spend the next three weeks wondering if it was all in my head.  My family assures it me wasn't.  They remember. They live through it.

I've felt challenged by what it is going to look like to be a reasonable older person.  I don't want to be that grumpy, self-absorbed old person.  But how do I do that when I feel so consumed?

Today I saw a specialist who gave me a diagnosis.  I have adenomyosis.  Look it up if you are truly bored!  It's not very exciting but it explains the pain - actually explains why it has got worse.  Apparently it will continue to get worse.

And most women end up having a hysterectomy.  There are a few other strategies to try but ultimately that's where we are headed.

Good to have a diagnosis.  But not looking forward to the continuing and worsening pain in the months ahead.