Hello Joy? Joy ... are you there? Have I lost you?

Wednesday morning I sent this sms to a girlfriend,

"Last night we had a couple over for dinner, 

friends of Rowan's from uni, 

who have only been married for a couple of years.  

I felt so old and cranky and tired in comparison.  

Where has my joy gone?"  

I've been asking myself all week about my question.  I just felt so weary when I was talking to them.  They were so keen and enthusiastic about their life, their marriage, their future.  I guess I felt a bit jealous.  I used to be like that.  Sometimes, I can be like that.  But mostly I'm not.  Mostly I'm just overwhelmed by all the jobs that I need to do.  While I write this I just know that somewhere more mess is being created.  Soon there will be a child that needs to me to do something for them.  

Rowan and I always say that at as long as you keep laughing it is all good.  But I find myself often not laughing.  Just rolling along, getting everything done, falling asleep and waking up for another day of survival.  Exchanging information with Rowan about who has to be where, with what, when ...

I'm not unhappy.  I like my life.  It's a great life.  Rich and full and worthwhile and satisfying.  But perhaps just lacking a bit in the joy department.  Would like some of it back.  Where are you joy?  Quite possibly it's buried under the mountain of unfolded washing ...