Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Things that (apparently) only I, and I alone, can do


1.  Pick up items and look under them and find ______ (lost sock, lost assignment, lost lego piece etc, etc)

2.  Turn lights off - the bedside lamp, the desk lamp, the main light (all blazing away at the same time), the bathroom light (at 9:03 am), the outside light (at 9:04 am)

3. Pick up slugs and dead cockroaches that can never just lie there and be avoided until I get out of bed.  They must be dealt with - NOW.

4.  Put the toilet seat down and flush it (probably don't even need to say this - you all know it)

5.  Pick up the one, lonely piece of cutlery that somehow can never quite make it's way to the sink after dinner.  Always one - just sitting there.  Waiting for me (and only me) to retrieve it.

6. Empty out the school bag, right to the very bottom, so that all the soggy rotten fruit mess that is mixed in with the old school notes/party invites (which I blissfully never found out about) gets cleaned out.  Eww...

7. Close drawers on the chest of drawers, linen cupboard doors, cutlery drawer, pantry door, toy cupboard doors, bathroom vanity drawer, dishwasher door - in my house apparently the doors/drawers are there are to be opened, but for some reason to NOT be closed.  They don't want to wear themselves out, the poor darlings.

8. Put used toilet rolls in the bin (they change the toilet paper- so can't complain really) - they are everywhere.

9. Only I can pick up the shoes, over and over and over and over and over again.  And truly, how can one family have sooo many pairs of shoes?

10.  And only I can return all the books to the bookshelf.  That can be found throughout the house.  From the front door to the back door (and beyond - and odds on it will be on a night when it will rain and it will involve a library book).  Surely there should only be 7 books strewn around (one person = one book).  Ah ha, no way.  You might start with Harry Potter in the playroom after school but for your post dinner read you might like a touch of Clarice Bean, topped off by a bit of Malory Towers in the bathroom before bed.

15 comments:

Tasmanian said...

Aaaargh. Yes, yes, yes.

Vanessa Murphy said...

I laughed so hard reading these! True at our place too! The drawers one cracked me up, I always thought it was odd that they are never closed!

beck said...

ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto!(which means you're not alone and we should become housemates!... SERIOUSLY!)

Deb L said...

I was just about at sobbing point from the very same problem in my house when I read this. I'm just so grateful it's not just my kids. I feel like a sane person trapped in a lunatic asylum some days....

Jenny said...

You're still sane Deb L?! I'm in awe!

Sarah said...

Unfortunately grown men still seem to have the same issues with toilet rolls.

Sheryl W said...

I also find that my four kids will walk around their father to come to me (in the shower, whilst my hands are in the sink, whilst changing the babies nappy) to ask me to squeeze the last bit of toothpaste/sign the school note/referee arguments. I remember saying to the 6 year old, "there IS another adult in this house!!". He looked at me blankly, "who?"

Cath said...

Can I have those toilet rolls? We need them for playgroup and I'm collecting. Mine and yours together would have the quota sorted in a week! :)

Karen said...

The lights, the drawers, the toilet and the books are the big issues at my house. Guaranteed to turn me from calm to ranting fishwife in an instant...
And I don't understand the need to have about five different books on the go either. I might have two maximum that I am reading simultaneously. And I found a couple of Horrible Histories stashed behind the toilet while I was cleaning it the other day....

Deb L said...

Well, Karen, now they are really HORRIBLE I guess.

Karen said...

Yes indeed. I think one of them may have been called Vile Victorians!?

Jenny said...

Ha, ha. You girls make me laugh!

Sandra said...

I'm just attatched to the fact my children will ring me at work about something when their father is at home with them. And expect me to instantly know where their property is that they and they alone have lost. And when I find it in 2 minutes they are really surly- eg the mobile phone that had been missing for 3 days that I found under the lounge.
Is this mother trait something that happens due to hormonal changes in pregnancy?

Heather said...

I am the only person in my house who thinks that searching for something involves more than standing in the middle of a random room and turning vaguely on the spot!
Open doors on cupboards is my number cause of unreasonable rage but the books all over the house are mostly my fault - I quite understand that bedtime, teeth cleaning and after school/work books would all need to be different.

Pip said...

But Jenny when they do close doors (as mine like to do) it is always with a mighty bang!